Diary of a Wimpy Mom

Thursday:

Greg Heffley, I bet you haven't heard that name for a while. Greg is now 21 and very very snobby. He still lives with me and his dad. Manny is now 17. It is hard for Greg still living in his mom’s (me) and dad’s house. Greg knows he will marry the girl of his dreams and go and live with her someday. He has been stocking this one girl, but he will not admit it. How would someone date someone like Greg? With a job at Chubby Burger he stinks! He comes back from his job at Chubby Burger and then smells like a Chubby Burger. Plus he only make $125 a week. In my opinion he can’t make a life out of $125 a week.

“Hi honey how was work.” I asked Greg.

“Mom go away. I’m not in a good mood,” said Greg as he went smashing into his room and slammed the door behind him. Greg hasn't changed much but his brothers have; Rodrick is a big time drummer and his band made it to the biggest concert in the world and as for Manny, he has a girlfriend, he skipped one grade, he is going to college to be a doctor; he is moving out in three months, and he is only 17.

Saturday:

“Manny, Greg, time for dinner!” I shouted at them. The boys always come stomping down the stars. It sounds like a herd of hippos running down stairs. BOOM BOOM BOOOOOOM! “Boys stop pushing and running around." “Hey mom, what's for dinner?” Greg asked me. “Hamburgers and french fries.” I responded. “But I can get that at work. I don’t want them at home too. I’m going out, and I need the car. Where are the keys?” “Where they always are.” I said back. I wished Greg didn't have his license because he is a very dangerous driver. “Manny, would you like a hamburger?”

“Yes mom.” Manny said.

Saturday Night at 12 am:

Creak! Creak! Creak! Ug that must be Greg coming home I don’t want to say that he is the worst kid out of all of my kids, but we all know he is. Creek! Creek! I want to say shut up, but in this parenting book I bought (called My Loser Son) it said not to say shut up to your kids, so I will let it slide. Creak! Creak!

“Shut up you loser!” said Greg's dad. At least I didn't say it.

Sunday Morning 8 am:

I woke up before anyone else, and guess what I saw! Greg passed out on a couch near the fireplace outside. “Wake up you bum!” I said. He still didn't wake up, so I stomped over to the hose. I turned it on and sprayed him with freezing cold water. Then he finally woke up.

Monday:

Manny's birthday is tomorrow, and I have given Greg $50 to get Manny a present. Guess what Greg bought! He got a 70 pound sausage and big mac from McDonalds. “What are you going to do with that?” I asked Greg. “IDK Mom, IDK!” Greg said. “What?” I asked. “Nothing mom you're too old to understand.” He responded.

I don’t know what IDK means, so I did what any other mom would do. I grabbed Manny by the legs and shook him until he told me what IDK means. After an hour of doing this he cracked under the pressure. For people who don’t know what IDK means it means “I donkey kangaroo”, and I have no clue why Greg would say “I donkey kangaroo”. It had nothing to do with the conversation.

Friday:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I just learned that Greg is never moving out!! There goes my yoga room.

Saturday:

Greg's freaky friend Rowley was coming into town. That means we are not going to have any food in the house. Rowley is like Greg. A little kid that needs help with everything, like opening boxes, cutting his food, even putting on his shoes.

Saturday: 3:45 pm:

Rowley pulled up in his big *wait* I bet you think I’m going to say car, but you know how I said Rowley was like a kid. Well kids don't drive cars. Rowley pulled up in his big red bicycle. “Hi Rowley.” I said.

“Hi, Mrs. H!” Rowley said.

*This will be continued and you will find out what happens to Greg and Rowley.